I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I think I just shit out all my problems.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
