wakey wakey hands off snakey
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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