I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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