A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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