Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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