Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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