Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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