Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
