these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Randomize
