How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
