You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
it hurts more in the daytime
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
