I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize