Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
