when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
