She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Text me some of your sweat
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