She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
