He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
