So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
