Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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