You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
