what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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