Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
