oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
