We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
