My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
