We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
