yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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