he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
