There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
