I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
