yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You had me at "let me see your balls"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
