It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
