And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
