I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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