6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
