dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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