he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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