i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
