Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize