Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
