If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
