His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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