Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
