explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
