He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
