a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
