i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
