He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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