I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I could fuck to npr.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
