I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
