Umm I'm too high to move.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
