How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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