the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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