Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
