there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Hippo gnu deer
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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