He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize