before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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