unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize