Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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