Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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