i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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