yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
