i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
