Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
