he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
