You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
