im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize